Throughout our lives we fall in and out of love–it’s human nature. Sometimes, love lasts and grows stronger as time goes on. Other times, it fades or changes–sometimes in ways we never imagined it would.

But as time and feelings change, people often try to make others change. We think, “If only he or she were more …” Plug in any adjective you’d like here–understanding, compassionate, handsome, romantic–the list can go on and on. We’ve all done it. We’ve all tried to change someone to fit the mold of what we’re looking for, whether it’s an emotional need or a physical one.

But changing someone never works. People don’t change because they are forced into it. They change because something inside of them lights up and says, “It’s time.” The person or people you love may never change. They may never fit the mold of what you “want them to be.” And that is okay. They are not meant to fit a mold. They are just as they are supposed to be.

Can we all be better versions of ourselves? Sure. We can be more understanding. We can let our partners know how we’re feeling. And we can be more patient. But it is not your job to change someone at their core. That is individual work.

Instead, follow the beautiful words of Wes Angelozzi, “Go and love someone exactly as they are. And then watch how quickly they transform into the greatest, truest version of themselves. When one feels seen and appreciated in their own essence, one is instantly empowered.”